I'm Not Afraid
by ktshdw
Summary: Tension rises for the Riker family as Kiara’s illness begins to draw a wedge between Riker and Troi. Can they come to terms with what they say before it’s too late and find that love again?


Title: I'm Not Afraid

Rated: T

Couples: R/T

Time Line: Titan

Prequel to: Keep on Loving You

©2005

Rights: I don't own them I just use them. Characters belong to Paramount and of course, Gene Roddenberry. I just let them out for some fresh air once and a while. If you do come across a name or item you don't recognize more then likely they belong to me. Please Read and Review.

Summery: Tension rises for the Riker family as Kiara's illness begins to draw a wedge between Riker and Troi. Can they come to terms with what they say before it's too late and find the love again?

/\

Two Seven-year-old children play near the ocean waves splashing gently against the sand. Riker and Troi watched the two girls move closer to the splashing currents. Instinctively Riker went to the girls as a larger current began to form a few miles off the horizon. Deanna pulled at his arm and smiled in return he smiled back.

"What's it like to have a mommy Kiara?"

"I don't know. Mommy and daddy are always here. Where is your mommy?"

"She died when I was just a baby daddy said she went to heaven and now she is an angel. Do you think it's real?

"You promise not to tell them if I tell you a secret."

"Okay."

"I think heaven is like a dream but when you pinch yourself it hurts so is really real. I think that there are clouds made of marshmallows and if you fall it don't hurt 'cuz it's soft and there are white horses for everyone to ride and nobody is picked last on games so no one gets hurt."

"It's magic. I hope that it's just like that."

"You know what I bet your mommy is watching you right now."

"Really?"

"Really,"

The children go back to building their sandcastle as Riker comes up to them. Gently stroking his daughter's hair she looks up to him with her big brown eyes so much like her mother's.

"Come the waves are coming faster the tide is coming in we better get back to the cabin we have to return home tomorrow. Why don't you pick up your toys and say good-bye to Melody maybe she can come a visit on the next school break she has."

"Oh daddy thank you so much Melody did you hear that you can come and see our ship."

"Finally, let me talk to my daddy first then he will let your daddy know okay?"

"Sure, he can come and visit as well if he wants to. No many people get to get a tour of a Federation Starship without winning an award."

Will smiles at his daughter and walks away while the girls pick up their beach toys.

"You know what Melody; I think there's a heaven. Grandma Lwaxana once told me a story about it said that Grandpa Ian was there and my big brother Ian too."

"I didn't know you had a brother what happened to him?"

"Mommy had him a long time ago before they were married. Grandma told me he went away after a few days. Daddy caught me looking over his shoulder at the family album and I asked him who he was. He told me he was my brother and mommy named him after Grandpa Ian."

"I think my daddy need help finding a girl to be my new mommy. Then I will find out what a mammy is but he really is gonna need help."

The girls hug and Kiara returns to her parents while Melody goes to her father. Kiara looks on as they depart to their cabin on the beach. Riker and Troi take the beach toys in their hands and return to their home holding Kiara's hand.

/\

A few days later back on Titan both Riker and Troi awaken to the crying of their daughter. They both jump out of bed as the crying increases followed by moaning. Something was wrong and Kiara needed them. Riker stumbles on the fallen sheets as Troi grabs her robe on a nearby chair. When they enter their daughter's room they can see the distress their daughter is in. Her hair was tangled and damp with sweat, her cheeks were glowing a bright red. Deanna placed the back of her hand on her daughter's forehead it was hot to the touch.

"Oh Will she's burning up we have to get her to sickbay right away!"

Riker had his daughter wrapped in the quilt from her bed in his arms before Deanna could even finish her sentence. In the blink of an eye both were out the door, headed to sickbay. They didn't even think twice before leaving they left with their night clothes on. Dr. Campbell was working in his lab with Sickbay's doors flew open and the Riker and Troi came through. Riker placed his ailing daughter on the bed and went to the lab. Campbell turned at the sound of the swishing for the door. Troi just held her daughter's hand tightly as both Campbell and Riker came to the main Sickbay bed.

"When did the symptoms begin?"

"She was fine while we were visiting Pesh'tal 2 she met a human girl there named Melody and they played every day together. I haven't see her so happy in a long time. When her best friend Melissa was transferred with her parents to a new ship she stayed inside her room for days. Blaming me for their transfer that's why we decided to go on leave a few weeks to see if our little girl would come back. At first she was reserved she stayed in her room then a few days went by and them she met Melody. They did everything together she even went on a sea shell hunting expedition with them one day. But everything was fine until we got back here and she woke us up crying and moaning in her sleep. Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"I've never heard of an illness coming on so rapidly are you sure she didn't have any symptoms until tonight?"

"Well a few days ago she had a little cough but we treated that and she was out playing again."

"And she has been complaining of a headache coming and going as well. I just assumed it was her body's way of dealing with the loss of her best friend. I didn't think anything of it she's a child they get headache common on such an experience."

Campbell pulled out her tricorder and began to scan Kiara for any clue of what she may have. Riker and Troi waited anxiously while the minutes crawled by. To them it seemed like forever when only a few minutes had gone by when Campbell let out a quick "That's it."

"What is it Doctor? Will she be alright?"

"She has the Lepseldi Virus. It's rarely found in children. Most cases I have seen were in adolescents."

"English doctor please we didn't go to medical school."

"No one knows exactly how it comes to be. Many believe it is spread through direct contact or by contaminated foods. Did she have any type of berries or fruit while you were on vacation?

"Yes she brought home some wild berries but we got the okay from the people who live there they use it for everything. They grow on the planet Pesh'tal 2 but Will and I both had some and we are just fine."

"That is quite a puzzle Counselor, Captain. These berries are originally just fine when mixed with the digestive juices in a person's stomach it turns into a sort of enzyme. This enzyme is broken down and used to treat a number of childhood illnesses. I know that Kiara is caught up with all of her childhood vaccines I don't understand why these berries are having such an effect on her. If her temperature keeps rising the way that it has been her life will be in danger, I can't lie to you if we can't find a treatment soon she will die."

"Die! No she can't die if she does it will be my fault. I thought the berries would be fine once the residents of the planet told us they would not harm Kiara in any way. Now you are telling me that the berries I told her she could eat are killing her. I don't understand I did everything I was supposed too to protect my child and now I can't do anything."

"There has to be a solution Doctor. I want you to go through every medical data base available on Titan and if you still can't find a cure I want you to do everything you can to find some sort of treatment. I will not loose my daughter Doctor. I will not loose my daughter."

Riker storms out of Sickbay leaving Deanna and Kiara alone with the Doctor. Kiara opens her eyes and lets out a soft cry while Deanna quickly comes to comfort her. Kiara opens her eyes and looks up at her mother and doctor.

"Mommy it's so hot in here. Where is daddy?"

Kiara kicks off the quilt her father wrapped her into before coming to sickbay. Deanna places it back on her.

"No mommy hot, to hot."

"I'm sorry Kiara but Doctor Campbell wants you to stay covered. I know you're hot but you need to keep the covers on so you can get better."

Kiara fights her mother's arms as they pull the covers to her chin. She was too hot for covers and she wouldn't let her mother keep wrapping her up in them. Several minutes pass when Kiara's strength is pushed to her limits and slowly closes her eyes. Deanna traces her daughter's features with her index fingers and looks up to Doctor Campbell.

"She's so warm isn't there anything you can do to bring her fever down? It's over 39 degrees Celsius."

"She is rejecting the antibiotics I've given her. But there still is a new experimental drug that I can try and use but the side effects are terrible especially for a child. Do you want me to try them?"

"What are the side effects?"

"The minor side effects are nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of consciousness."

"And at the worst?"

"Coma, blindness, stoke, and deafness. But those are all very rare."

"Okay fine, if she was your daughter what would you do?"

"I would want to try anything to get her well but I am a doctor you need to make this decision on your own and with the Captain."

"No Will is still very angry he won't be of any help now. Doctor I love my daughter more then anything and I want you to try this new drug."

"But what about the side effects, are you sure you can make this decision alone?"

"I have to before it's too late. If she gets the worst of the side effects we will deal with that when it comes time to. Until then she needs that drug."

Campbell nods and goes to the lab bringing back a vile of green liquid. She places it in the hypospray and injects Kiara with it. Only time will tell now.

/\

The next morning Riker goes to Sickbay to see Kiara and to speak to Deanna. When he arrives Deanna is still holding her daughter's hand tears stained her cheeks. Riker approached her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder in response she turns to him. They leave Kiara's side for a moment going to a separate room. The door swished closed behind them as Deanna turns to Will.

"Nothing is working Will, the doctor has tried everything even an experimental drug and her temperature still won't come down."

"An experimental drug, who gave her permission to inject that drug into our daughter she had no right."

"Will I told her to do it, all of the antibiotics were being rejected by her immune system it was the only way. I had to try something."

"You shouldn't have done that without my consent. I know you love our daughter but we should have decided on that kind of decision as a family."

"You weren't in any condition to make that kind of decision Will you were so angry with yourself I was afraid it would be dangerous to our daughter. That's why I told Doctor Campbell to do it. I don't regret at least trying it that's something you forgot meant. All you care about now is this stupid ship. It is this ship that made our child sick not me, it was you."

"Me! I have done everything for this family. I have done everything you asked of me since we first were sent out and now you that you have the right to tell me that I am killing my own daughter. It was your idea to go on vacation, it was your idea to let Kiara go with Melody and her family hiking and it was you who used our daughter as a lab rat if anyone is killing her now it is you. I swear Deanna if anything happens to her you will regret this conversation."

With that he storms out of the room and goes over to his daughter leaving Deanna to think of what he had just said. Before he reached Kiara he turned back to the next room taking a few steps but then changing his mind. They were both just too angry with what was happening to see that they were taking their anger out on each other. With that, Riker new she didn't mean anything she said, and he went to his daughter's side. She opened her eyes as her father traced her cheeks.

"Thirsty daddy, thirsty."

Riker takes a small container from the table next to her and poured a glass of warm water. He picked up Kiara's head and aided in her drink.

"No daddy, hot, too hot cold water."

"The doctor said this will help your throat come on sweetheart take a few drinks it will make your throat feel better."

"No cold water."

Riker gave into his daughter's cries and got her a cup of cold water. She drank it down hungrily.

"Am I gonna die daddy?"

"No Kiara, you're just very sick."

"Can I go home now back to my bed?"

"You have to stay here but your mommy will be with you the whole time. If you need me the doctor or your mom can contact me. Now you just rest your head now and get some sleep. You need to regain your strength before you come home."

"Home? Where is home?"

Riker stood in confusion as his daughter's phrases became jumbled and confused. Riker began to fear that even with the experimental drug Kiara would not be coming home as the Kiara they new. As Will glanced at his daughter's confused eyes they closed and she began to shake uncontrollably.

"Doctor! Doctor! Help! Deanna Help! Something is wrong with Kiara hurry!"

Deanna and Campbell raced out of the rooms and to Kiara's bedside. Campbell pulled out her tricorder and did a quick scan of Kiara. Her arms flared roughly as Deanna, Will and a few others of the medical staff tried to stop the movements.

"The virus has spread to her brain she's having a seizure."

"Well stop it!"

"I'm trying, every anti-seizure drug I have used isn't helping her I can't stop progression of her brain damage."

Minutes went by but to the staff and Kiara's parents it was centuries. Finally with the fourth anti-seizure drug they had administrated Kiara's violent thrashing and went to a mere shake. Deanna cried over her daughter's pole body while her Will took the doctor aside to speak to her alone.

"This seizure she just had will it cause permanent damage to her brain?"

"That's right Will you just care about how much brain damage she has. How typical, always care about yourself. So what if this causes permanent damage as long as your career keeps on track."

Will turned quickly to his wife's hurtful words. He had never heard her speak so hatefully in all the years he had known her. Will was ready to argue but instead turned and walked out of Sickbay leaving Deanna alone with Kiara again.

"Captain Riker always puts his family first he would never intentionally put himself before anyone on this ship especially his family. What I am about to say may cost me my position on this ship but I don't care; you need to shut up and listen to me now. Think of your daughter over there on that bed, would she want her mother and father blaming each other for what happened to her? No what happed to her was neither your fault nor her father's it just happened. She needs the strength she got from both of you to fight this illness. Even if she doesn't get well you can't keep blaming each other for it. That little girl over there loves both her parents and I know that if she could hear you right now she would not make it. Now you go and talk to your husband now and straighten this out. I don't want to do this but if I have to I can forbid you to be in Sickbay with your daughter. That's not what you want is it?"

"No, and you are right I was so bitter and angry about what happed to her that I lost track of how much I know Will loves both of us and I know that it wasn't his fault she's sick. I was just so angry I don't even know why."

"Perhaps your train just went off track in the pain. I promise I will let you know how she is if there is any change while you are away. Just remember one thing; her strength comes from both of you."

/\

The next morning Kiara is awake and alert when her parents enter the private room. She is still very ill and fighting the fever that has plagued her for the last several days. Will and Deanna come forward and take their daughter's hands in theirs; she smiles softly as Riker and Troi smile back at her.

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm really sleepy. When can I come home?"

"The doctor says you have to stay here until your fever goes away. I know you miss home but you need to get well and Sickbay is the only place you should be now."

"Mommy can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure, can daddy stay too?"

Kiara nods lightly and turns to her father.

"Daddy already knows the secret. He told me about them; mommy will I go to heaven when I die?"

"Please Kiara don't talk like that you are going to get better."

"No mommy, I know I'm gonna die I'm not getting better."

"Kiara honey, don't talk like that your mom is getting really sad."

"You told me that when a kid dies they go to heaven daddy remember?"

"But you're still just a little girl you have many years left in you."

"Listen to me mommy. When I die I want you to not feel like it's your fault you neither daddy. I just want to say one last thing before I go to sleep and I want you to remember them."

Deanna and Will exchange looks and look at their daughter.

"Mommy, daddy, I'm not afraid. Cuz when I die I know Grandpa Ian, will be waiting for me; and someday we will see each other again. Now I need to go to sleep but incase I don't wake up promise me this."

"Anything Kiara"

"Remember me."

"Always"

Will and Deanna say together as Kiara's eyes slowly close, as her last breath escapes her mouth. Both Will and Deanna lean down to their daughter as her breath fades. Both shedding rivers of tears as the agony of losing someone so young linger in their minds.

The End!


End file.
